A day in the life of a BF3 medic

06:51
So hyped. About to arrive at Kharg Island.

06:54
Still waiting.

06:55
In a queue for deployment. I’m now 4th out of 7. Never had to queue for a war before, can hear my comrades in battle. FRUSTRATING.

06:57
Here we go! Looking forward to using my shiny new defibrillator, they’ve finally trusted me enough to equip it. Heading into battle now, can’t wait to fight with my fellow American marine friends. There’s nothing quite like working alongside your trusted mates, soldiers you can communicate with, allies who will watch your back…

06:58
It transpires after brief confusion coordinating our squads that I’m actually Russian and now have to try and kill my American marine friends.

06:59
Received our orders for this mission – to hoist the Russian flag in four different parts of the island. It must be very important, hundreds of men are dying for this.

07:02
No spare vehicles so I’m left to run 354m to reach point C. Get stuck trying to leap over a small wall. Jump repeatedly at it and hope the enemy can’t see my failings. Give up and run around the wall instead.

07:04
Find a quiet spot to camp. Feel smug.

07:06
Hear gunfire but nobody’s walking past. Throw a medkit out for something to do.

07:07
Why is nobody heading towards my trap?!

07:08
Decide to abandon my post, stand up and get immediately shot in the face.

07:10
Find a spare Sukhoi Su-35 fighter jet lying about and decide to take it for a spin. Forget to ask how to fly it before taking off. Head upside-down in a straight line for twelve seconds before getting shot down. Cleverly bailed first.

07:11
Parachute into the sea. Long, slow swim back to shore.

07:13
Spend three minutes swimming only to get sniped once I reach dry land. Annoying.

07:14
Unload several bullets into a soldier before realising he’s on my side. Briefly feel mortified and wish there was a way to say “whoops, sorry”.

07:15
Find my squad holed up in a small room during a firefight. Throw out a medkit and the guys go crazy for my bandages. Revive three of them in a row with my defib. Feel like a God.

07:17
Get to have a go in a tank. It was really fun until we caught on fire. Thankfully our engineer can extinguish flames using a welding torch.

07:21
Go prone behind a squadmate. Resist urge to shoot his buttocks. Use this quiet, secluded spot to try some sniping. Squadmate decides to set off his rockets alerting the whole island to my position. Shoot angrily at squadmate and run off.

07:22
Get distracted by a chopper crashing into a tank and get shot in the face. Again.

07:24
Knifed from behind by one of my American friends. NOT happy. He got my tags. Shriek about getting sadistic vengeance but fail to see him again for the rest of the battle.

07:25
Realise we’re losing and blame my inept team. Ignore own poor performance.

07:26
Lost the battle but good news, we’re off to France to hoist more flags by the Seine!

2 Responses to "A day in the life of a BF3 medic"

  1. Toffer says:

    Epic. Love it. :)

  2. Stu says:

    Absolutely brilliant, more war diaries should be like this! :)

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