My Alternative Gaming Awards 2016

2016 went by insanely fast and my poor blog got thoroughly neglected, but I’m back with the highlights and lowlights of my gaming antics. The awards are for games I’ve played this year, not necessarily released in 2016 though. Thank you to those who have made my online gaming incredibly fun in 2016. I may have insulted you in the heat of the moment, but when I yelled, “YOU’RE A GIANT DICKHOLE” for saving my awesome Rocket League goal, it was done with love and affection. On with the show!..

Most Tears Of Laughter Cried At Hilarious Deaths

There’s not much in life that can make me laugh more than seeing a badly thrown banana bomb or watching ninja rope go badly, so the winner has to be Worms Battlegrounds.

Why Am I Wasting My Life On This? Award

There’s a couple of games that could win this but it has to go to a certain huge release that almost everyone went nuts for. It got me strange looks for walking round the local park in a huge spiral as I hunted down imaginary creatures, dragged my kids to minor landmarks to top up my balls and gave me my first ever knowledge of Pokemon. Congrats to Pokemon GO. I still set it to run whenever I go out for a walk. I don’t care about it, have no desire to ‘catch them all’. Perhaps my New Years resolution will be to finally delete it.

Best Gaming Argument 

No, I don’t mean ‘Was the No Man’s Sky marketing misleading?’, I mean actual in-game bickering. Rocket League text chat came in second, losing to the joy of arguing in Helldivers. “Yeeeeap”. “Nope!” “Yes!” “Nooooo”. It wasn’t a proper mission unless we had a squabble for the first three minutes.

The ‘Okay, I’ll Just Hide Here Behind This Box Then’ Award

I was fairly excited about a new co-op game. Perhaps we’d play it for years like Left 4 Dead but it ended up being one of my biggest disappointments of 2016. The balancing wasn’t done well so I could only play with others my level, not to mention how boring and monotonous the gameplay was. In my last session, I joined two friends who were three or four levels above me. A single enemy bullet would kill me instantly so I spent that session crouched behind plant pots, tables, whatever would give me cover. Well done, The Division, who also wins the following awards – Best Flamethrower Dudes To Shoot, The I AM DISAPPOINTED Award and Worst Use of PSN Vouchers Ever.

Game Most Likely To Make Me Hate Humanity

I get a little passionate when gaming. When I’m happy then I’m in gamer heaven, but when I get angry then it’s like the nine circles of hell have been unleashed. One game in particular provided both these feelings. When I had a fairly full team of friends and we communicated well, then it was a delight to play. However, in the times I ventured online solo then I despised EVERYONE. My own team were morons, the other team were frustrating dickheads, obviously I was perfect and the only person trying to keep our shit together. The winner?.. Overwatch. Best worst gaming experience of 2016.

Best Use Of Fire In A Video Game

I love fire. I love fire bottles in Red Dead Redemption, I love lighting fires in GTAV and causing explosions. This years favourite fire was unexpected, it fucked shit up and is the first time I’ve panicked (through laughter) and grabbed an extinguisher despite not knowing how to actually use it (more laughter). Overcooked is such a great little game and a crying shame it doesn’t have online multiplayer, although we slightly got around that with Playstation’s Share Play feature. It was my first time playing, I didn’t realise what would happen if you burned food and I rolled off my sofa in fits of giggles as our little chefs ran around the tiny kitchen as fire consumed every surface.

The ‘I Just Have Something In My Eye, Honest’ Award

Congrats to Journey. It came up for free on PS+ and I thought I’d give it a go. Oh my gosh, the part in the snow near the end got me. I do have a heart after all! I immediately played it through a second time and it was just as touching even though I knew what was coming up this time. Such a wonderful game and it’s incredible to bond with strangers you’ll never communicate properly with.

Best Game For Trying Not To Starve But Dying Horribly Anyway Of Other Causes

I’m pretty good at not starving. I can provide myself with nourishment well. However, what I do struggle with is dying from fear or giant goose/moose things or Deerclops or frogs or the cold… you get the gist. Don’t Starve Together finally came out on console and we spent many nights building a camp, tending to farms, crafting weapons etc, only for the game to fuck us over in numerous ways. I still love it though, even if the devs are cruel old meanies.

Game I Thought I’d Hate But Actually Really Enjoying

I went off shooters this year so have dabbled with games that would usually pass me by. I started with Gone Home which was okay, not bad. Spurred on by this, I thought I’d try the first free episode of Life Is Strange. I’ve since bought the entire season and played episodes 2 and 3. I promise I’ll return and finish the last two in 2017 but I was surprised by how in to the story I got. Comparing choices with my teenage daughter has been fun as well, sorry… ‘hella’ fun. I normally hate long conversations between characters because I just want to get to the action but the story intrigues me and I look forward to playing more soon.

Best Game Where You Fly Around In A Pink Dildo Spaceship Landing On Different Planets That Are Actually All Really Similar And Have Different Creatures That Are Actually All Really Similar And It Was Cool For A Couple Of Days But Got Boring So I Stopped Playing

Obviously this is a tightly contested category and I mulled on the winner for weeks but eventually came to the conclusion it has to be No Man’s Sky. I was really excited when the game was announced but as time went by my expectations faltered. I played for about a week and it was pretty fun at first but the variety wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for with similar looking plants, creatures, identical buildings etc. I expect I’ll return to it at some point if they keep giving it big updates and tweaks.

The ‘I Totally Meant To Do That’ Award

One game is still chugging along nicely with regular game nights in my friend group. I still frequently surprise myself with an amazing goal that I TOTALLY MEANT TO DO, IT WASN’T SHEER LUCK OR ANYTHING. Hopefully Rocket League is still going strong in 2017.

Best Game of 2016, I Really Don’t Need Anything Else From Life Anymore, I’ll Be Playing This Until I Die Award

I have spent 98% of the Christmas holidays playing this game. It’s perfect for me. It’s calm, chilled, relaxing. I get comfortable on my sofa, tell the kids to leave me alone for a while, and start ploughing the fields of my Lady Garden. My ‘Lady Garden Farm’ in Stardew Valley is the perfect tonic for a busy festive season. I spend hours tending to my crops, milking my cows, fishing, giving gifts to townsfolk and exploring the mines. I’ve put in fifty hours so far (a lot for me with my fickle nature) and there’s no sign of me stopping just yet. It’s cute, charming and I’m discovering new things even this far in.

That’s it for my 2016 round-up. Thank you for reading! I hope you’ve had a great year of gaming and an even better one in 2017!


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