Let The Bodies Hit The Floor

Let The Bodies Hit The Floor

The snapping of sinew. The crimson blood splatters. The intestines spilling onto the ground. The death cries of an enemy.

There is something highly satisfying about wielding a chainsaw in the face of my foe, lopping off limbs or in some cases letting it ride cleanly up their backside leaving two bloody halves at your feet. Sometimes I’ll favour despatching those most deserving using a blade, perhaps a katana or a good old fashioned stabbing frenzy. I struggle with guns. I’m usually incapable of a smooth, skilled headshot instead preferring a lengthy obliteration involving numerous shots to elbows or the groin. Fire gets me cackling with glee, be it igniting a crowd with my Molotov or the bursts of a flame thrower. Then after a long, hard day harassing villagers in Wiltshire I’ll settle down for the night with my Xbox.

April 01, 2010  |  No Comments » Read More
Warning! Your Bimbo Is Sick!

Warning! Your Bimbo Is Sick!

Games are escapism. You get the chance to be something you’ll never be in real life, whether that’s a superhero, a marine, a raider of tombs or an Italian plumber. In pursuit of escapism from my mundane, somewhat geeky life I entered the world of “the bimbo”. Miss Bimbo is “an online virtual reality social networking game” that currently has over 700,000 registered members, and with the average age being nineteen I was going to be quite an elderly bimbo.

March 04, 2010  |  No Comments » Read More
Adventures In Glitchwater

Adventures In Glitchwater

The, admittedly not so bad, downside of joining the Xbox 360 party a couple of years late is that not only do I have to keep up with any new releases that interest me but also work through a backlog of games which were either highly recommended or just looked damned fun.

After finding Saints Row 2 at a dirt cheap price I contemplated playing it through and when my friend Simon (henceforth known by his proper gamertag/name “Cuddles”) said he’d also recently picked it up, we decided to wade through it together on co-op.

February 26, 2010  |  No Comments » Read More
Feeling The Fear

Feeling The Fear

One of my earliest gaming memories involves gently tapping on my parents’ door on a Saturday morning and asking if I could play about with the games on my Dad’s Apricot business computer. Nestled in amongst the floppy discs and DOS games was one called 3-Demon, a first-person maze game which involved the Pacman-like eating of pellets while trying to avoid ghosts which would lurk around any corner. It petrified me. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, braced for one of these horrific ghosts to leap out at me at any time. I loved it but the tense atmosphere it created has stayed with me through the decades. I’ve since discovered screen shots on the internet and laughed at myself for ever finding 3-Demon scary but then I remembered I was probably only nine years old, new to games and also that I am a complete gaming wuss.

January 29, 2010  |  No Comments » Read More
To Infinity... And Beyond!

To Infinity… And Beyond!

I have a problem. It conflicts with my dark, gothic soul and it pains me to admit it but…

I quite like Disney.

I don’t sit and watch the films all day. My house isn’t festooned with tacky Disney memorabilia you find in those Sunday paper adverts and I certainly never, ever sing along to Enchanted’s “Happy Working Song” while doing the housework.

August 27, 2009  |  No Comments » Read More
Ode To Louis

Ode To Louis

Tuesday 21st April marks a special day for any fellow zombie-slaying fans. The Left 4 Dead Survival Pack is being released! In honour of this glorious, wonderful day I would like to publicly declare my true feelings for our favourite Left 4 Dead survivor.

An Ode To Louis

“Stay positive guys,
I’ve got a good feeling about this”.
An immortal line from A.I. Louis.
Dressed in dapper suit,
With wide innocent eyes,
But in your heart and your mind,
Madness lies.

April 20, 2009  |  No Comments » Read More